Rebirth
The current book project got a rebirth somewhere in 2020 when I figured out how to combine almost all short stories from my dreams that I have collected for the past ~16 years. My initial idea was to make a book of short stories, but I was never happy with that. At one completely random moment in life, I had an epiphany that united all of those stories into one big Sci-fi story.
Having in mind that I am just another guy working full hours, the book project is not moving at the pace that I would want to, but it is definitely moving faster than ever.
How it all started?
One of the first small stories that I wrote was about my childhood. I was around 5-6 years old, and the title of the story is Three Worlds.
First world: During that time I lived in the regular world as any other kid, I had my surrounding, and my family, friends and toys were all placed in one world.
The second world was me discovering the beauty of nature, I was able to spend hours looking at the grass and soil, and all living beings crawling and wiggling in there. It was just amazing how we have such a tiny, but huge world just beneath our feet.
The third world was placed in my nightmares. I don’t know the origin of them, but one hypothesis could be the fact that I had the umbilical cord wrapped around my neck twice during my birth which caused some mental trauma, but I guess we would never know for sure…
I don’t get nightmares that often, it is mostly when I felt sick as a kid, but during the later years, I would get them whenever there are some things destabilising my mental and/or physical homeostasis.
Perhaps another thing that I got during my complicated moment when I saw the world for the first time, was the fact that I got the “life clock” that ticks very loudly in my head reminding me that we are here for only a limited amount of time…
Meditation as a solution
I started meditating when I was around 15 years old. This came to me as a natural way to fight those demons, and fear of death was one of the topics that my brain needed to address. Back then I had no idea what meditation was, I didn’t even know the existence of that word in fact. I got to learn more about that later in life once I got access to the internet and started learning…
Not knowing what comes after we die, and knowing that all that we do during our time while being alive would eventually be completely forgotten, literally cooked my brain because I was not able to grasp and calculate that thought.
The second, brain-melting topic that I had back then was the fact that the universe is endless. How can something be endless?
These two topics were more than enough for me to even be scared to go to sleep because I always expected at least one of them to show up in the first minutes once I’m tucked in bed.
But even with that fear, I knew that I have to find a solution and fight those monsters. Some of those fights lasted hours before I was able to fall asleep, but luckily, some were shorter.
I had a kinda regular life, I went to school, played basketball, had friends and so on, but it is funny, for many kids, the bed is considered to be a “safe place”, where they go to cry, cuddle with their plushy toys, make tents, and rest, but for me, it was a place where I had to fight my internal battles almost every night that no one was able to see nor understand.
Fear of the unknown
After some time I realised that I was not afraid of death itself and the fact that the universe is endlessly big, I was actually afraid of not understanding life, and I didn’t understand how the universe works.
This revelation helped me a lot to start my ongoing learning journey. One of the daily brain meals was reserved for space-related topics and deserts were mostly made out of many different sciences, including particle physics, psychology, and biology, and sprinkled with spirituality and self-awareness.
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